Please Note: This is a satirical news story to critique current culture.
BREAKING: In a tragic twist, very not a “Good Time”, Paris Hilton has reportedly been admitted to the Cedars Sinai intensive care unit after an attempted drug overdose. It is reported after appearing on the “Bob and The Showgram” show a radio program hosted on North Carolina’s WDCG-FM, Paris was tricked into blasting her ill opinion of the anchor. After the incident, the starlet couldn’t bear the “mean industry” any longer.
Fortunately, she mistook the Flinstones Vitamin bottle for her ambien. Her doctors (choosing to remain anonymous) report that despite astronomically high vitamin-C and riboflavin levels, Paris’s cognitive abilities were thankfully so elementary, they do not foresee how her brain function could be slowed any more.
Paris left a hand written note and stick figure drawing for her family after the attempted suicide:
“He didn’t even mention the song. That’s so not hot.”
As you may be aware, Paris recently joined Lil Wayne’s music label Ca$h Money, co-creating a fall anthem with deeply thought out lyrics that truly edify the current generation’s priorities:
And I might be a bit tipsy
but that’s okay because your with me
Co-pop culture influencers such as Miley Cyrus, have used this tragic story as a soapbox for the current state of the industry.
“Paris was the preeminent voice for blonde, drunk girls out there who want to have a good time. So what if we want to adopt black movements to exploit and paint with white-girl lameness? When I stick my tongue out while twerking, this is an artistic vision that aims to emulate the science that occurs when you stick your tongue on a frozen pole. I just want that pole to be covered with strippers. It’s a message that deeply resonates with me; I just want to share that intimate meaning with the world.”
Ms. Cyrus continues, “It’s you, the media who aren’t taking our art seriously- you’re killing our artistic expression and now killing the artists themselves. For shame!”
Bad boy and musical “messiah”, Kanye West also made a point to butt in on the conversation via multiple tweet rant on Twitter:
Fuck the government shut down. Let’s talk about real issues here. Paris Hilton was the Mary Magdalene of DJ’s. The paparazzis and media have gone too far.
During a Today show interview to plug her Vegas residency, one-time friend and long-time party animal, Britney Spears was asked her opinion of the suicide attempt. Ms. Spears was quoted as saying, “Paris Hilton? Yea, I think I’ve stayed there. Is that in London or somethin?”
We’ve been given reports that Gloria Allred is preparing to sue the radio station.
Filed under: CREATIVE, HOLLYWOOD LIFE
